Dating expert advice columnist and author deborrah cooper
But as Wiley says, "Letting someone know that you don't see them as potential dating material, but just more of a friend let's them know you have a friendship that isn't ruined by them asking you out." would like to be left down gently, and craft a response along those lines," NYC-based matchmaker, Shlomo Zalman Bregman tells Bustle.If you don't want someone to keep you hanging, ghost you, or to lie to you, then don't do that to someone else. She holds licenses to practice in Washington and California and is deeply and passionately committed to helping my clients foster healthy relationships and improve well-being. In addition to private practice she is dedicated to reaching the public to share research-backed information and educational tools for improving mental health and intimate relationships. Most are fascinated by the exotic beauty of Black women and just need a bit of encouragement from you to know that it’s okay to approach. She has written hundreds of articles on dating and relationships, many of which are on her site Ask Heart Beat. She is a counseling psychologist with nearly 20 years of practice, teaching and public speaking experience. She has published book chapters for university texts as well as journal articles and articles for popular magazines.It puts too much responsibility on a person to protect another's ego and feelings at the expense of their own." Instead, Cooper advises to acknowledge the request, express gratitude, and decline the invitation clearly and firmly."People have to learn that they are not obligated to go out with anyone just because they ask," Cooper says.Unlike previous studies that put focus on the person being rejected, lead author, Dr.Gili Freedman was more interested in examining the rejector.
"It's great to express your appreciation that they had the guts to ask you out in the first place," Wiley says. Letting them know you are flattered they asked is also a nice way to soften the blow of rejection." If a friend asks you out but you're not interested in taking it to that level, that can definitely make things awkward.
Researchers conducted two follow-up experiments and found that not only do rejected people feel worse after being given a "pity" apology, they're also likely to feel like they have to forgive the rejector before they're ready.
One experiment even found that hidden feelings of resentment may even cause the rejected to seek out subtle forms of revenge.
You're not responsible for anyone else's feelings but your own.
You can't control what other people are going to think or how they're going to react to what you tell them.
Nobody designed a simple "Build-Break-Build" method to let someone down, which goes like this: "I had a nice time with you tonight. I don't feel like there was a romantic connection between us, and I'm sure you felt the same way (the Break). Thank you for making me laugh and feel comfortable with you (the final Build-up)."So you ease into the conversation with a build-up like a compliment, you break it to them gently, and you end the conversation with another build-up.